Bianca Brucato
November 3, 2014
Professor Young
English 1100
“Natural
beauty is powerful and can be constructed”
Have you
ever wondered what people truly look like under piles and piles of makeup? Many
young girls and women wear tons of makeup that make it impossible to see who
they truly are. They have this idea that in order to be beautiful they have to
alter themselves to fit a certain criteria that society puts on them. In the
“Cameron Russell Ted Talk”, Russell talks about society’s perception of beauty
is being abnormally skinny, white, and pretty. This perception causes many
young girls and women to try to make themselves something there not in order to
fit in with the so call “norms” of society. I think that natural beauty is the
one of the greatest forms of honesty because it comes from within you and is a
reflection of who you truly are. 
Natural
beauty is a powerful tool because it is “In the eye of the beholder.” People
have all different views and perception on what beauty is. Beauty can be people
of all different shapes and sizes; they can tall, short, fat, or skinny. Natural
beauty is honest, fair and true because it is something that all people posses
and cannot be bought or altered. Most
people wear makeup and get plastic surgery because they are insecure, or they
are trying to hide something. Being naturally beauty and showing it off in your
daily life shows you are confident and content with yourself. Natural beauty
can be seen differently to all people, and is one of the truest forms of
beauty.
Many people
have a stereotypical and falsified view of what beauty is. As seen in the
“Cameron Russell Ted Talk” video, Russell talks about how society views beauty
as being abnormally skinny, white, and pretty. This perception society puts on
beauty is not always honest because many young girls and women alter themselves
to fit this perception. Natural beauty is one of the most honest forms of
beauty because it is possessed by everyone and comes from within you.
Although constructed beauty has been seen negatively throughout the years due
to the pressures society has put on young girls and women to be so called
“beautiful.” In Aimee Mullins, “My 12 pairs of legs” Ted Talk, she talks about
constructed beauty in a positive way. As an amputee her prosthetic legs
allowed her to built a career as a model, actor, and advocate for women,
sports, and the next generation of prosthetics. Mullins shows beauty can be
constructed from the legacy she built through her prosthetics legs.
Furthermore, beauty does not always have to be real in order for it to be
honest and true. Constructed beauty can help young girls and women feel
confident and good about themselves. Constructed beauty can also allow people
with disabilities to feel beautiful in a society that is all about appearances.
For example, Mullins got to experience many things that most people would not
think an amputee could accomplish. She has walked runways, broke a record in
the 1996 Paralympic Games, and became the first double amputee to compete in NCAA Division 1
track and field. The construction of her prosthetic legs has allowed Mullins to
feel beautiful, confident, and experience many things most people with
disabilities wouldn’t think of doing. Doctors and specialists who construct
prosthetics limbs for people such as, Aimee Mullins allows society to see
beauty can be constructed to help all people feel beautiful. All type of
beauty, constructed or real can be honest and true if it helps others feel
confident and beautiful.
In conclusion, beauty can be
constructed to help others such as, amputees and people with disabilities to
feel beautiful in a society that is all about appearances. Constructed
beauty helped Aimee Mullins to feel confident and build a legacy through her
prosthetic legs. Mullins built a career and legacy as a model, actor, and
advocate speaker. Also, in the Cameron Russell Ted Talk she talks about how
society puts a falsified perception on beauty.
This causes many women to try to alter themselves, in order to fit a
certain criteria society puts on them.
However, natural beauty comes from within you, and is one of the most
honest forms of beauty.
Bianca, you've done a nice job getting your ideas down onto paper about this topic. This is a good start! However, you must do the following to more thoroughly develop your point.
ReplyDeleteINTRODUCTION:
-After you ask a question, you must respond to it. What is your question asking your reader to think about? Provide the answer. What does the person look like without all the makeup?
-What are the implications of this statement to women who are the opposite of all the things listed in this sentence: "In the “Cameron Russell Ted Talk”, Russell talks about society’s perception of beauty is being abnormally skinny, white, and pretty." What does this "standard" and/or definition do to young women/men who are not this?
Oh, okay, I got it in this sentence: "This perception causes many young girls and women to try to make themselves something there not in order to fit in with the so call “norms” of society." How? Be specific.
-You need a transition before you write your main point. In fact, in your main point, remove the words "I believe."
PARAGRAPH DEVELOPMENT:
-Underline the main point/topic sentence in paragraph 2. Do the sentences within this paragraph all develop your main point/topic sentence? If not, how can you fix this?
-In paragraph 3 you state: "This perception society puts on beauty is not always honest because many young girls and women alter themselves to fit this perception." Develop this. How? Provide specific examples from the TedTalk to develop your point.
-What do you mean here: "Mullins shows beauty can be constructed from the legacy she built through her prosthetics legs." What legacy has she built and how does this connect to beauty?
-What do you mean here: "Constructed beauty can help young girls and women feel confident and good about themselves." Provide a specific example from Mullins to support your position. You need textual evidence to buttress your position.
REPETITION:
-How does the beginning of paragraph 3 differ from paragraph 2?
TRANSITIONS:
In paragraph 4, you used an excellent transition: "Although constructed beauty has been seen negatively throughout the years due to the pressures society has put on young girls and women to be so called “beautiful.”" Do more of this.
ORGANIZATION:
-You have included specific background information about Mullins significantly after you first mention her. Fix this. Where should this background information about Mullins go?
-In paragraph 5 you have more than one main idea. When this happens you need to start a new paragraph. Do this.
CLARITY:
-What do you mean here: "In conclusion, beauty can be constructed to help others such as, amputees and people with disabilities to feel beautiful in a society that is all about appearances." Can you make this clearer? Also please REMOVE THE WORDS "in conclusion." You readers get that it is your conclusion because it is your last paragraph. Choose a different one.
CONCLUSION:
-Remember NOT to include new information in your conclusion. You've done that here. Please fix this.
-In your conclusion what impression are you trying to leave for your reader?
GRAMMAR:
You can earn a grade higher than a B with fragments. I am highlighting one for you: "Although constructed beauty has been seen negatively throughout the years due to the pressures society has put on young girls and women to be so called “beautiful.”" Please fix.
Do my comments make sense? Please respond.